The duck and the pigeon met by chance
Stowed away on a boat to France
They hopped a truck parked at the dock
Then drove to Montmartre and on to Chartres
And while they journeyed to Par´e
They each told stories of their families.
Arriving in Paris, they leapt from the truck
The pigeon danced wildly with the waddling duck
What a funny sight these two birds were
Walking the streets, looking in stores
Seeing the dazzling wares galore.
“That hat would make a lovely present
To match my sister’s new-born pheasant
And for my mother I’ll get a pot
She loves to bake and cook a lot.”
“That’s great,” the pigeon did chime in
“My wife will like that shiny pin.
And for my brother I’ll get suspenders
And for my sister, a pair of book enders!”
So off the duck and pigeon strolled
From street to street and boulevard
Admiring everything in sight,
They did this long into the night.
The happy pair had a grand old time
They visited the countryside again and again
To see where grapes were grown and then
Where Van Gogh painted and even Cezanne
Before returning to Par´e
To take a train to the ferry
Where their journey home would begin
Loaded with presents for family and friends.
I always forget that there is no dog waiting at home. Always. And surprised, each time, then saddened, as my expectations vanish, as the air, or the ghosts of dogs past. What is wrong with me?
He is not here, not the last one, or the one before that, or the one before that…but they all hang around, tempting me to believe in their existence. And why not? How comforting, when the wind howls and the rain hits the roof so hard you keep a lookout for leaks, yes, as if they were here, to protect, to comfort. Each time, each and every time, I steep myself in delusions of comfort, safety, blissful ignorance, when there is none.
After the realization…
So you enter your house, put down your keys, head to the stereo, select a jazz CD, get a drink. Does it matter it’s only 2pm? No. Time and wine are independent of each other. Each time you indulge is a new experiment. The first drink you had when the bottle was brought home was sufficient. The second day, also, one drink was sufficient. After that it increased. Two on the third day, three on the fourth day. Today is the seventh day. Today I believe I have lost all hope of maintaining anything resembling a reasonable intake. Today I am about to finish my third glass. Today I have discarded caring, lost all empathy for myself, lost all reasonable connection to the outside. Today, this moment, I am going downstairs to refill my glass.
Heaven help me.
political issues aside
there are some things I really can’t hide
though finances are rough
not having a dog
is getting real tough
and depressed is a new state of mind
Choking as the phantoms grasp-
It never ends.
Damn the memories.
Heart sickens at the time past, the future narrowing.
Enemy and friend.
Mind blanks and then retrieves convoluted queries
All answers unavailable.
He was the most handsome.
Not I, but you said this.
I, who watched his growth
His muscles swell into a well seasoned athlete
Honed by meticulous care.
Yes, I did this.
With only memories left to console.
This I have done to myself.
why so my heart breaking
why do these tears come tumbling
flooding my soul
why must I feel so empty
oh lord, why am I so adrift, disconsolate
cannot just one thing in this universe make me whole
must I search till my heart breaks for finding nothing to replace the one being
that made my life whole
I cannot end these tears
there is no reason nor recourse for the tale that echoes forth
I have but solitude to seek and in that state I would find a glimmer of my former self
I am hyperbole and so inclined to meaningless allusions
I am a fragment of what you see
and inclined to be nothing more than the wind
and more a figment than truth
I am reality, but only in that fantasy that we perforce seek to surrender ourselves.
oh god, must I be this
I should drown in sorrow before I regain a spectrum of humanity
that this humanity be but wind and water, both gone and vanished into the air
I am but soiled in how I did regard the hearts of others
and yet I would relive these sorrows were you to let me pass to worlds that would divine the beauty of the world to come.
Let so my passage be, and to this I would incline my one true heart
to meet that heart I know does await, if not one true love, than one I should love, and with your will
I truly set my soul to be the keeper of this trust, to that I do compel myself
to fail thee not in this endeavor.
My pads are tough from asphalt streets
My nails are short, for this I’m pleased
My coat is brushed ten thousand times
So for the ladies I do shine.
Yet never once will she release
And take me off this cumbersome leash
So that I may attend to all
The ladies at my beck and call!
How quiet he is.
In death as in life.
Soft, smooth, once warm, now cold and stiff.
Gone my love. Gone my long companion of days adrift and nights awake.
Gone now, gone forever, three feet down, an amendment to the soil.
To mask my pain and ask forgiveness.
What life did you lead. Were you served well, you who bent your head and body to my will.
I did ignore. I did. I remember well.
Soft, my boy, soft next to me, so easy to put aside.
To gather back those times, the endless repetition of a life’s attitudes, changed never, repentant forever. Time finite. Time infinity.
You left, and I sit, shocked that 16 years passed before me, unnoticed.
Asleep in your place on the floor, the discomfort comforts. The last sleep and weariness of each day blurs my mind of thought and emotion. Kept at bay, I exist.
Your life, filled with discord, rolls by
A paranoia unprotected
So convoluted you cannot know
What pain is real and what is not.
Jane, you are a true and beauteous moment
Of god’s own glory and nature’s bliss
Of loves’ lost and loves’ awaiting mist
Of minds beliefs and minds believing grist
You can surrender, though you would not admit
What your own mind tricked to assist
The venomous regions
Of life’s beguiling twists
That you alone have seen the coming end
Of wife and husband
No love, I can assure.
Home all the time
Without home nothing matters
Take me home
Don’t fence me in
But don’t leave me out in the cold
I need familiarity, longevity, consistency
You can’t imagine what happens inside me when you leave
And wait, and wait
A battle of thoughts, of fear and insecurity
Return to me
On my knees
I do love you
Playing fast. Playing first. Playing all day long, I think. Playing hard, having fun. Trouble is I’m on the run. Running here, running there, catch me fast, I’m everywhere!
My dog, so soft and sweet as he sleeps
Quiet now before the dawn.
The potential of a new day will fill his heart, his loins.
Soon he wakes
To the light he looks
His knowledge of the greatness is infinite.
Can I be him just one day?
Let us exchange places, just one day
How would it be to know wonder, to look forward to everything.
That is he