Tag Archives: humor

Once A Year

Snow.
Another foot or so.
And after you have shoveled
The winds begin to blow.
But night has overwhelmed you and so to sleep you go.

Cradled in your bed, fits of dreams begin
Until the nightmare shakes you
And wide awake you scream.
For all your work has come to naught, nay sorry this I say
The foot of snow that yesterday was cleared with force so fierce
Has come to haunt your every joint
And break you piece by piece.


Ode to Easy

When I was young, a little pup
I had such difficulty getting up
I flipped and flopped
And slid some more
Till I had polished the entire floor.
You see, my ears were verrry long
And often twirled me round and round
Till one fine day I lifted up
And flew ten feet, then did not stop.
That’s Easy! I cried aloud
And soon I flew to parts unknown
Where people looked and cried aloud – that’s Easy!
As I waved right back.
I traveled far, I traveled wide
Collecting friends from every side–
Australia, Paris, New York, Berlin
How glad I was to be invited in
To homes of thousands, and to share
My life and antics everywhere.
So Easy I was to everyone
So Easy it was to make having fun
As Easy as life can be for one.
I showered my love on all I met
I shared myself with nay a care
I’ll Easily see you again, I’m sure
I’m in your heart, forever more.


My Nebbish

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Well, said I, it’s right as rain
As snow fell down the window pane
“And almost spring,” the Reinbear said
As he rolled and tumbled out of bed.

I think you’re wrong or quite mistaken
I’m sure I would remember that
If spring were here, then I would cheer!
And cry “Hooray!” and be quite gay.

“It’s not too late to do a jig and herald in the woodland sprigs”
And so the Reinbear danced and sang
While snowflakes followed him around.
He did not care if it was cold, or blustery or grey,
He knew that nestled in his heart
Spring was just a little way.
He’d wait for it, for blooms and sun
For all his friends to come and run
Along the river, down the lane
He knew that Spring was when they came.

“I’ll take a nap” the Reinbear said
“And when I wake I know I’ll see
The sun and grass, all green and bright
And spring will be a sheer delight!”

So in December when all was cold
Dreary, dark and dank,
I hurried quietly into bed
And slept and dreamt with Reinbear near
Till snow turned into rivers clear
Of daffodils and crocus blooms
Sparkling in the azure blue.


The Beetle and the Gnat

“The sand is very sandy,” said the beetle to the gnat.
“Well that’s a very silly thing, for everyone knows that,”
The gnat retorted to the beetle, who’d dug a beautiful hole
At the very very very edge
Where the ocean had taken hold
And filled the hole far sooner than he ever could have told.

The beetle stood so very still and then began to cry.
Seeing such great sadness, the gnat thought to reply,
“I’ll help you dig another, if you’ll only let me try.”
For the gnat was very sorry for the beetle’s predicament
When faced with miles of sand, just where should he begin?
Why, by the boardwalk! Yes of course, the gnat decided so
They took their shovels and their pails and began to heave and throw
The sand into the air, where it landed in a pile
And grew so tall it seemed to them to be a hundred miles.

It grew and grew until the sun disappeared from view
It grew and grew till moon and stars could not be seen, tis true!
So dig they did for several months
Till England’s shores were seen
And France was next
And Italy
So far away from home
That soon the two unhappy souls put down their pails and hoes.

“A hotdog I would like right now,” said the beetle to the gnat.
“Oh do put on some sauerkraut,” and with that the gnat did shout
“But they are far away, you know, on the ocean’s other side,
Where first we started shoveling,” and both sat down to cry.

“I wish the stars and moon would shine their brilliant, dazzling light,”
“I wish we’d never dug a hole before thinking what was right,
For had I thought ahead back then I’d never have proceeded
To dig so much and so obscure the light I cherished near us.”

The beetle did agree with this, and thought it could be righted
So in the night they blew and blew,
The sand fell left and right
And in a day or two or more
The stars began to shine
And soon the sun did light the dawn and with this they did smile.
“Let’s just hold hands, sit down again, and dream of piles of sand!”

©2016 Ellen Kostroff


Oh GSD! How I Love You! said the Weimaraner

 

weimeramer&GSD
The Weimaraner and the German shepherd were the very best of friends
Hand in hand they strolled the land, far and wide through forest glens.
Then one fine day, from east to west, as clear a day could be,
Something, unbeknownst to them, was decidedly not right
And being very fearful, they fell into a fright.
“If you so please, and if you might, look far into the distance.”
And the Weimaraner huffed and puffed, as he spoke with much insistence.
Now the German shepherd, young and foolish, took care to do what pleased
So carefully she turned her head, as she began to sneeze
For she was prone, as you must know, to various reactions
And even with the right precautions
Her nose began to quiver, her body shook and quaked
Her head went back, her legs a jumble, and quick as be began to tumble,
Rolling past the Weimaraner, fast as a summer breeze.
“I say, that little gal of mine is getting rather sassy,”
Though none was there to hear or care, or his brilliant words to pass to.
His legs unfolded, and then his ears, and they began to flap,
Such a sight he was, as he flew past streams, and over the treetops,
For though they did intend to, without warning they did land too
Smack in the middle of a herd of cows, mooing softly while eating lunch,
Munching grass, so brilliantly green
With shades of chartreuse and violet, it seemed
That the cows were confused or possibly drunk
Though ranting and raving they were never mean,
But would stand and complain, in a long steady stream,
About family and friends and the Queen of England.
“It’s futile to talk to cows, and quite out of the question.”
So the friends declined, and in no time, slipped away with much discretion
As off they ran, hand in hand
Such a pair of friends you never saw
On to adventure, bound to explore
From the tip of Maine to the Florida Keys
And on to England and France if you please
With a stop in Amsterdam and Italy too,
They even ate chocolate in Belgium, it’s true,
Then back to the States for a loud how-DE-doo.
The Weimaraner and the Shepherd ran and ran with grace and with ease
Laughing with joy, and an occasional sneeze.

 
 

Happy Seasons and May Holiday Lights Glow So Bright!


The duck and the pigeon

duck&pidgeon
The duck and the pigeon met by chance
Stowed away on a boat to France
They hopped a truck parked at the dock
Then drove to Montmartre and on to Chartres
And while they journeyed to Par´e
They each told stories of their families.

Arriving in Paris, they leapt from the truck
The pigeon danced wildly with the waddling duck
What a funny sight these two birds were
Walking the streets, looking in stores
Seeing the dazzling wares galore.

“That hat would make a lovely present
To match my sister’s new-born pheasant
And for my mother I’ll get a pot
She loves to bake and cook a lot.”
“That’s great,” the pigeon did chime in
“My wife will like that shiny pin.
And for my brother I’ll get suspenders
And for my sister, a pair of book enders!”
So off the duck and pigeon strolled
From street to street and boulevard
Admiring everything in sight,
They did this long into the night.

The happy pair had a grand old time
They visited the countryside again and again
To see where grapes were grown and then
Where Van Gogh painted and even Cezanne
Before returning to Par´e
To take a train to the ferry
Where their journey home would begin
Loaded with presents for family and friends.


%- ) (:-)

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Alas alack and near and far
i run and trip— the ground is hard
my feet are sore my hands are scraped
my knees are weary
i sorely ache
what good is this, i cannot say
to exercise is such a chore
like scrubbing floors
and kitchen sinks
and even places that sometimes stink.
oh woe and wishful thinking all
a cup of coffee i do recall
is what would please my very soul
instead of feeling oh so small
while mother cleans my cuts and scrapes
you’d think ’twas seven, not 48
or nine or ten, or 52
it doesn’t matter, i feel like two.
so come tomorrow, i’ll try again
to run with grace and ease— count 10!


Mimeographed

EllenEye#2
I am a copy of myself
Just offer me a cigarette
And though you know I do not smoke
I dare to say I will not choke.

Now this is very odd indeed
I run and run and run with speed
This makes me feel that I am free
For trouble seems to follow me
No matter where or when, you please
I usually begin to bleed.

Make no mistake (perhaps just one)
Mistakes are rarely very fun
Avoid temptation to reply
I say this, but I don’t know why
So if you are inclined to write
I hope to find that you’re polite!


Ah! Snow!

www.sandlakeambulance.org

oil painting from the Sand Lake Ambulance collection-for sale

Ah! Snow!
Those tearful winds do blow and blow
Blow round and round
Above the ground
And only they know where they’re bound.

Oh! What wonders are!
No snow did settle on my car
But seem it did to parry first
Then hurry with determined bursts
And blow and blow determinedly
Into my neighbor’s yard, you see!

‘Tis sorry I be for his grief
To shovel snow, so many feet
But next time I shall not escape
From winter’s rage and stormy fate.
Yet pleased I am that for today
I may remain in bed and safe!


Oh, That I Was Shakespearean

In France they liked me yesterday
Today it was the USA
Tomorrow who knows where they’ll be

Oil painting part of Sand Lake Ambulance collection for sale

Oil painting part of Sand Lake Ambulance collection for sale

As long as they do follow me.
I know it’s been some time since posting
But that should not indict my hosting
Just say hello, I’ll say adieu
Should you so like me, I shall too
Though rhymes be silly, fractious things
I hope they put a smile on wings
That take you soaring, flying high
For miles and miles up in the sky.
Oh, that I was Shakespearean
Your heart would open up and sing!


You Light Up…

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oh my, look at me light up!


David Bowie Revisited

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I fell down
It wasn’t far
But in that distance life shot past
with indeterminate speed
I was the moon, falling,
David Bowie gliding to earth
Lost in a desert
Alien to myself as to all around
I grabbed a midnight Pan Am and headed to New York,
Landed in Idlewild,
Memories not yours.
You, the simple one I used to be,
After all the searching
Found life was only what I needed.
Shadows crawled out from the walls,
Dreams of freedom being mine
As you fell into cracks and crevices so small
That hopes of retrieving you were insane.


don’t jump…

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political issues aside
there are some things I really can’t hide
though finances are rough
not having a dog
is getting real tough
and depressed is a new state of mind


A Global-Warming Christmas

(sung to the tune of “Let It Snow”)
Oh, the climate outside is heightening
All our fears of ice caps melting
And the oceans rising round
As we drown, as we drown, as we drown.

It doesn’t show signs of slowing
As the miles we drive keep growing
And we bury our heads underground
As we drown, as we drown, as we drown.

It’s a long way off I know
And still you see it snow
But if you really want to know
It’s an inch, not a foot!

So let’s huddle together once more
While there’s still winter we can adore
And even though I know
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!


It’s Christmas!

The snow has fallen, not too deep
The forest comes alive.
As deer and fox and turkey scurry
They cannot wait
Hurry! Hurry!
Today is Christmas
Today is grand!pa280007snowblog3
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Throughout the land!


post peace train, #2

I’m going slowly, slowly on the peace train, peace train, ride in
The stations are filled at Grand Central, Grand Central station, New York City
But we won’t forget
When we hop that train peace train
The pain and the terror that does prevail
The longing the fear, the sadness, the tears
the endless hours, the days of fears.

I’m here waiting, waiting the peace train, New York station.

I’d rather sleep in, but I do not dare, for here it comes, the peace train.

You all forget that Carter was hot
A man of superior intellect
Who honored our values and sought to return
To democracy the way it deserved.

But now I’m afraid, afraid that the peace train, the peace train will never arrive.
We’ve used all our luck and a little beside, the peace train sent adrift to collide

I’m down on my knees, ready to concede, we’ve lost the greatest peace to succeed
The one where we realize that truth and thought can be attuned
To a new life, just and viable too…
Where we never fear our next meal
Or the cold of winter or the searing heat.

I’ve been thinking, thinking it’s a long battle, long battle, long battle
Never resolved in my years on earth, too long, it’ll outlast us.
So I look around and think to me, whatever can make us free,
It’s the love of life, family and friends, our neighbors, pets and in the end
Relinquishing thoughts that only “us” are right, correct and only just to fight…
That our neighbors have valid ways to live
Even though not like us
And our children play…
Our earth may survive our trip to hell.
On the peace train, the peace train.

I’m looking forward to a peace train, worldwide, a peace train.

Addendum:

Runningwithellen, long napping, sends his best!


Sunny and Chérie

(hummed to the tune of ‘I got you Babe’)

They say that work won’t pay the rent
Your paycheck’s gone before it’s ever spent…
But you don’t care, although it’s true
‘Cause hustlin’s become a way of life for you…
Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
It’s so true…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
This is you Babe…

Ten years ago you had a job
A wife and kids
A house and a big back yard..
Your life was hot, on easy street
Now you’re in the gutter, begging for somethin’ to eat…
Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
It’s so true Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
This is you Babe…

Down on your luck, clothes tattered and torn
The people pass by, leaving you ignored…
Cast adrift, your life flashes by
When friends were gay and family stood by your side…
Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
It’s so true Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)
This is you Babe…
(da, da, da, da, da, da…)


Okay, It ‘s Alright…(Nevertheless, although found widely, alright remains nonstandard…)

(hummed to the tune of the BBC show ‘New Tricks’)

It’s okay
No big deal
The rich are richer and the poor can’t deal
It’s alright
It’s okay
The end is coming this way.

It’s for sure
Some shall say
That equal rights is the only way.
It’s alright, it’s okay
The poor are poorer each day.

The sun don’t shine six feet down
The living might as well go under ground
The middle class have lost their heads
The sand is lookin’ good instead.

It’s alright, it’s okay
You muddle by each and every day.
It’s alright, it’s okay
Death is just a step away.


Watch out 2

(hummed to some song, the title of which I can’t remember…)

Watch out
Here they come
I say watch out
They’re on the run
And if you watch out
You’re sure to see
That Obama and Romney
Are phony as can be.

Ten times ten is no big deal
But when your paycheck’s gone
There’s no more meals.
You’ll starve to death if you listen to one
So if you get my drift, you’ll start to run.

You better watch out
They’re on their way
So just watch out
I’m goin’ to say
That if you don’t watch out
We just might become
Another third world country that’s on the run.


Watch out…

(hummed to the “Streets of Laredo”)

I spied a young cowboy
Astride a painted pony
Cowboy’s hat was a flopping
Pony’s tail was in knots
Now this little horsy
He tried best he could–
But the cowboy kept riding
Till the pony was no good.

He crawled and he cried
His life was a shambles
No pony to ride
No money, no pride
His shirt was in tatters
Not that it all matters
But his life was gone–
Gone now for good.

This lesson you’ll learn
That ridin’s a privilege
That horsy just died
Right where it stood
That man goin’ nowhere
His pony six feet under
Take care of your workers
Fore’ you’re head’s off for good.


Homage to the blogs I follow

On the way to Mount Snowdon
I met a Slate Quarry.
Though not the one to err
Yet I found deep thought
In the passing of memory
Far under a tree
So Dark,
and dog-nab-it,
in the trolley garage.
Then as we retreat
you may vent, as you please–
But not to neglect,
to Canada we photo
And while Easy does it,
He’s my favorite by far!
But do not ignore
Doggystyle, yes, there’s more–
Thundering Herd, not absurd;
And we speak of adopting a little bit more!
So here’s to my minions–
In them I do reckon, with Brevity, tis true,
A soul’s walk will do,
So splash a little paint–
my words shall remain
with Margo’s Notebook,
and Sage’s misadventures
a source of real pride,
at night by my side–
Love those dogs, I confess,
Can’t get enough of you, I guess!

Stanza #2
It should so please me, if you would just see,
My newest companion–
It’s Zack, he flies free!


It’s party time!

Eleven p.m.
I’m sure you must know
I’m never this late
I’m usually asleep–
I live in the woods
With nary a peep
From fish or from fowl
Though they usually don’t howl
Like the coyotes do
Or the resident screech owls
That lurk very near
Yet rarely appear.

So I’ll turn off the lights
And tumble to bed
I’ll say my good nights
And sleep pretty tight
Till the mice start to party
At 4 in the dark
And I pull up the covers
And wait for daylight!


Oh no!

Oh! Très bien! Très bien!
Uno or dos
I seem not to know
Whom I like most.
I count on my fingers
Five – up to ten
And then I begin
To count them again.
This is quite fun
Having you here
To read all my gibberish
When it appears
And though I do know
You’re all very busy
I can’t stop myself
From making us dizzy!


Food!

oops whoops
oh boy
whoa
not so
oy vey
I swear
I might have had a fright
oh my
I looked around until I found
a pair of Starlings flying low
and other birds aloft, you know
that birds in flight
can tell a lot
of things to come
and things undone
of dreams inside your pretty head
and silly words to stop you dead
of vegetables that rot in hell
and others that divinely make
your day a wondrous place to dwell
and fill your tummy till it swells.
And then there’s dips and chips and such
that fill you up, and up, and up
with calories and fat and more
that in the end will make you swear
to reassess your food affairs!


2 Sleep

Sleep 1
It’s very strange
That once or twice
I come upon a thing that’s right
For most of it is very wrong
And takes you on a path that’s long
And far away from everything.
It brings you grief and nasty things.
But when you find a thing that’s right
It makes you sleep quite well at night.

Sleep 2
I sleep and sleep and sleep at night
And wake when it is very bright
Perhaps at 10, 11, or noon
Even 1 is none too soon.

I need my beauty rest, of course
There’s nothing worse than having lost
That beauteous glowing, silky skin
That ageless patina that’s akin
To Venus of De Milo fame
Or David, Michelangelo’s creation.
So let me rest till I decide
To rise and take myself outside!


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