lapse of the mind – #1
Another 10 minute lapse of the mind, reality check, check the front door, check the front lobe, right atrium, left ventricle, heart pumping blood out the aorta, and blue blood in through the vena cava. Superior, inferior, does it matter. Are you supine or prone? Prone to what you desire to know. And knowledge is all. All off the ledge. Know the ledge before you leap. And reach the other side. Or die. Fall, falling, falling faster, no time to wish differently. No Anna Karenina.
God on the other side. North or South. Blue or Grey. Blue or Red. Donkey or Elephant. Up the mountain to what. Altered mental status at 10,000 feet and climbing. Altered mental status at sea level. Visit New York City for a preview. Don’t blame the Colorado mountains for erratic behavior and voices.
dog days depression – #1.2
Strains of Aaron Copland, Rodeo, childhood memories, sinking, unearthly, even caring for another life cannot change this blackness, unknowing sense of destruction, loss, unworthiness, uselessness. One hundred people all around you keeping appointments, leading productive lives, contributing to something, real or not. Loss, limb, life, love, loose, let it go, let it be, let it fly, fly free, forever, upward glance backward sideways left front right back. Down, down, far far down, faraway down, faraway as you can go, get, leap, leper, lever yourself into oblivion. Dog days, dog nights, dog lives shorter than cats’, winter nights longer than dog nights, dogs sleep deeper, but run, run, running constantly in your sleep. No rest for the weary, not even sleep can appease the gods, family or IRS. Pain infinite, though sporadic.
Lapse of the mind – #2
Tear out the telephone. Then deal with screaming people, complaining, cajoling; you need a phone, we need you to have a phone, its not healthy; what if something happens, what if…
So what if, so what. If I had wings I’d fly. If I had sense I’d put the dog in the car and leave. Leave it all. House, friends, family, bills, taxes, job, no job, just leave. Alone, always alone. Before life, during life, after life.
Now after life. That’s funny. Memories of “before” life? Is today real? Grim. Yesterday is nonexistent. One chance. One breath.